Epistolary
by Oceanmistsupporter
Summary: When everything is solved and done, how would they remember what it took them to get there? What will remain? Only the written proof of the journey.
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N: THIS is the product of when I mix movies I watch on Netflix, **_**Invisible Monsters **_**by Chuck Palahniuk [such a lovely, disturbing novel], **_**World War Z**_** by Max Brooks, and my love for Seddie.**

** This is a collection of letters, diary entries, newspaper articles, blogs, vlogs, texts, e-mails and so on. Will it make sense? Probably not until the end, or maybe I'll never seem to get the point across. Will it have Seddie? Always, my friend, always.**

** Not so sure where I'm going with this but writing helps me do something productive, rather than watching reruns of **_**Drake & Josh**_** while I slowly but painfully realize that someday this is iCarly's fate.)**

**Date:** September 29, 2011 at 12:09 P.M.

**From: **_Gibby!_

**To: **_Carly-Taylor-Shay:)_

**Subject: **Dude, have you left your house yet?

Hey Carly. It might seem weird that I'm emailing you since I'm such a short walk away from your house (actually it's thirty minutes…but I can make it a short distance anytime, just give me the word). But I just thought I'd email you, since, you know, no one emails these days. No one uses aol mail anymore either. Am I too hip for you yet?

Anyway, I know it's only been a few days, but I petrified to leave my house.

The hair on the side of my head has grown back, thank you for asking. Well, I didn't hear you ask, but I'm sure you did. Anywho, what I mean by that is, it's been a while since I tried messing with Sam and Freddie's relationship. That would mean that they stopped hating me, right? And by they stopped, I mean Sam stopped, right? Look, I know she sees me as a punching bag, but she's gotten better, right?

It's been five days since the couple split, and I still haven't seen them since. And frankly, I'm not sure if I want to. I'm a simple-minded guy but I'm not stupid. I don't want to step in front of a bullet if I don't have to.

You've talked to them, right? Sam's your best friend. Is she safe to approach or should I just stay in the comfort of my locked room? I'm pretty sure she could break in at any moment…I haven't had a peaceful sleep in days.

Sir Licks-A-Lot is doing fine. How come you never want to take care of him anymore? He's part of you and he's part of me—he belongs to us. He is rapidly growing up. The day when he goes to College is among us…Can you at least be there for him there? He misses his mother.

Can you believe that someone already took the screenname "Gibby!"? I am such an internet sensation. This is ruining my image. I had to add the "9" but that is an extremely unhip thing to do.

I am getting off topic. Just please, let me know if they are safe to approach yet. If they will ever be safe enough to approach…


	2. Chapter 2

_July 7th, 2012_

Dear Diary,

My therapist read over our previous chapters. He got sort of frightened when he saw the entry from a few months back. Maybe we should watch our words.

His daughter is still doing great. She can still see perfectly. It brings tears to my eyes when I remember how grown up Freddie is, and how I created someone who would bring change to the world. Ever since he was a child I knew this. I knew the person he would eventually become was in his grasp. I have never…Oh, I'm crying again…

Not tears of joy, mind you. Tears of…confusion? I tend to cry a lot, over Seinfeld and the fact that they might ban my stay at the hospital when they realize that I've been smuggling anti-disinfectants home with me.

I'm crying because Freddie is in pain. Here I am in the white room with the quiet, clean atmosphere, and I feel like he's the one suffering. Every time I cause him pain I feel part of me die.

I don't have much to live for. When Freddie came into the world I vowed to protect him from everything and anything. But I can't do that. Not anymore. I have tried, but I couldn't succeed. It didn't matter how many times I tried to drown ticks from his body; it didn't matter how I wanted to keep him away from people who hurt.

People hurt. That much I know. If they didn't I wouldn't be here right now. But I'm not mad because I'm here.

I can still remember the time when Freddie was four. We were watching TV (educational programs, mind you) but I cannot always stay awake. I feel asleep, for a half an hour, and my nightmare came true. I don't remember the title of the program that came on next, but I can still remember the bone-chilling images of…of…

It doesn't matter what they were. Because I shut it off the moment I awoke. Freddie stared at the TV with this confused look. He turned towards me with this heartbreaking, questionable look.

It was that day when I realized how crucial my mission was. Freddie is mine, the only person who belongs to me and me only, and he can't see that. No matter how old he gets, no matter what he experiences, I have one goal. He must keep his innocence.

What a silly goal. Because no parent can do that. No matter how hard they try…

Until Next Time,

Marissa Benson


	3. Chapter 3

_**GOL OEDIV SEIDDERF**_

**TIME:**** 22:28:11**

**DATE: ****4/7/12**

**SUBJECT: _ENO TRAP…LRIG DIPUTS TAHT_**

_Freddie waits five seconds until the light reflecting on the screen reaches its maximum brightness before speaking. His voice is rough and hollow, and he realizes the camera will pick up on all of this; everything._

"This is Fredward Benson, signing in. Hello, nonexistent viewers."

_He clears his throat, glancing at his reflection in the screen. He can see the door in the back, in the parallel universe that his laptop has created, just to be sure it isn't open._

"I am sixteen years old and that means I have only been on this Earth for so long. Sixteen years; for some that's a fraction of their lives, and for me it's my only. I'm getting carried away."

_He glances at the picture on his desk and smiles involuntarily._

"It's late. Late for me, at least. I guess I'm used to going to bed early, I don't know. But I should say some things…while they're still fresh in my mind."

_He sits back, looking upward at the glow in the dark stars and planets he put on his ceiling, and still doesn't have the heart to take them down._

"'I know how to play the game.' That's what I say to myself when I think I have a hang of things. As you see, I had it down two times. Twice. Dos. She invents this, forces me in this, and not only forces me to play, but then changes it."

_He closes his eyes. He can't let the anger get the best of him. It rarely ever does, because part of him knows it's the wrong thing to do. In public, that is. But when he's alone, the recorder being his only audience…_

"What I mean is, I got adjusted to it twice. We already had this discussion. Well, guess what? It changed again."

_He clenches his eyes impossibly tighter, with emotions of fury and sadness and something unrecognizable flashing through his mind like toxic waves._

"The first time was good, because maybe it wasn't really a change. More like a clarification. We already went over this. And the second time, we went over that too, was rather bitter. But I could handle that one. I could, if I tried, and I did try. I didn't think she'd stoop so low."

_He chuckles darkly and shakes his head. What a funny thought. How could he be so blind?_

"But she did. What am I supposed to do now? Cry about it on here? Is that all I can do? That's what I'm doing, isn't it. I would go up and stand up for myself but you all know how that ends. What did she do, you ask?"

_He pretends someone asks him, "What did she do?"_

"I have sacred things in my life. There are some things I have that I wouldn't trade for anything; things that I can't shake. Things I wouldn't shake, even if I could. I could list them forever."

_He gazes at the recorder, the light boring into his eyes, making the irises seem rounder on the monitor._

"There are some people out there though who don't have sacred things. I don't understand that girls' view anymore. Once she told me that something was sacred to her and then the next…the next moment she…"

_He looks away from the camera._

"…she drags some guy into our—yes, _our_—elevator and…I don't even know."

_The emotions are getting the best of him. And when they do, he knows that's not good. It's never good. Ever._

"I want to say I hate her, and maybe at this point I do. I don't hate many people in this world. There are a few that get me angry, ones that push my buttons, but I suck it up and I deal with it!"

_He wants to start shouting but his mother is asleep. He can't lose himself now._

"When you give someone everything, and it gets taken away, what do you do? What are you supposed to do?"

_He needs to calm down. He knows that. He's leaving marks in the soft wood of his desk from his fingernails._

"I can understand her forgetting everything…but forgetting everything… Can I do that? I don't want to. It's not like she gave me a choice. It's not like she ever gave me a God damn choice!"

_He slaps the pencil sharpener to the left of him; he's glad he hit that, and not the other thing, the picture frame staring at him. He hears his mother cry out._

"Fredward Benson! Are you okay?"

_Panicked, he shuts off the recorder, watching the white light narrow to a slit before vanishing._


	4. Chapter 4

_4/23/12_

**(6:32 P.M.) Carly: **Hey Blondie.

**(6:58 P.M.) Carly:** Are you still helping out with the restaurant?

**(7:25 P.M.) Carly: **Sam, are you there?

**(7:46 P.M.) Carly:** Text me when you can, alright?

**(8:08 P.M.) Sam: **dammit Shay u just bluw upp mah pfone. wat do u wat

**(8:10 P.M.) Carly: **Why didn't you respond to my texts?

**(8:14 P.M.) Sam: **wat r u, my jelous wifie? i was sleping

**(8:16 P.M.) Carly: **Has Freddie been acting weird to you lately?

**(8:23 P.M.) Sam: **hes awlays wierd

**(8:27 P.M.) Carly: ** No, I mean like really weird. I don't know what's going on with him but he's not acting like himself.

**(8:31 P.M.) Sam: **hes prabaly upeset tht russell hantz's knew show blowed

**(8:34 P.M.) Carly:** Russell Hantz from Survivor?

**(8:39 P.M.) Sam:** thts the 1. he got sum knew show an its terible.

**(8:41 P.M.) Carly: **I didn't know Freddie watched Survivor.

**(8:44 P.M.) Sam:** Aniway, i thik freddie is ackting nurmal.

**(8:46 P.M.) Carly: **But he said something to me Sam.

**(8:50 P.M.) Sam: **im sured he did, carls. an I hafe a gud gues on wht he say. just remeber tht its how he awlays ackts. Nuthin has changed


	5. Chapter 5

_4/9/11_

To my "lovely" mother,

Hey mum. Just so you know, I wrote this all on spell-check. This is why I am actually speaking English.

I know you're out of the country, you know, for laser hair removal. And that's fine—because half of the time I have no idea when you'll come back. In this case it is good.

I have somewhere to go. I'll just get to the point now. I have to go and fix something. I don't know if you were different when you were younger, and maybe you were—I don't know. If I ruined your life like you say I do, then my bad.

I did something wrong and I need to leave.

I don't know when I'll be back. Maybe I won't come back. Maybe I'll be eighteen when I'm finally released. It sure feels like it'll take that long.

If I don't come back, just remember that even though you suck, I do love you.

Sometimes.

If you decide that you need your little coffee-dancer back, don't come looking for me. Because you aren't going to find me. Because I'll be gone.

Don't ask Carly and Freddie and Spencer for help, either. They don't know where I went, either. They are the only three people who actually give a damn on my location, and guess what I'm doing? I'm running away from them.

I did some bad things, a bad thing, and I shouldn't have done it. When you do wrong things you don't even care. You know why? The people you have wronged don't mean anything to you. And I respect that.

The person I wronged means far too much to me. I treat him worse than I treat the newspaper boy (and after I'm gone, promise me you'll still prank him for me). I am cruel and unforgiving and I don't deserve half the things I get.

But still I did something unmistakable, unforgettable, unacceptable…I can't, alright? I can't stay. I can't deal with it this time. There's only one way all of this can end, and I don't want to be around for it!

Please remember to feed Frothy. I put out the entire bag of cat food for him and I left the window open so he can go hunting. If you do give him food make sure it isn't rotten and if you give him water don't accidently give him liquor instead.

If Freddie or Carly come by looking for me, don't show them this note. Let one thing be secret, alright?

I love you (sometimes),

Sam


	6. Chapter 6

**Date:** May 6th, 2011 at 3:11 P.M.

**From: **_N.E.R.D.-Camp-and-you : Splashface . com_

**To: **_Fredward-Karl-Benson : Splashface . com_

**Subject: **Your application

To Fredward Karl Benson,

We are sending this email to inform you that our previous decision of the first draft of your application has been revoked.

After having a "discussion" with a blonde friend of yours we have decided that it is in everyone's best interest that you attended our camp.

The only catch is that you have to keep your blonde friend as far away from our camp as possible. She has threatened to "whoop the stupid out of us" with what appears to be a sock full of butter. If you can keep her from a five mile radius from our headquarters then you are accepted.


	7. Chapter 7

_7/8/11_

_The recorder focuses on a black surface._

"Just do it."

"Sam, I'm not doing it."

"You're just going to chicken out?"

"Sam, I've heard that people have died doing this!"

"I did it. It's fine. Just do it."

_The recorder is shaken, then tilted to show Sam's face, smirking at the white light._

"My name is Sam Puckett and this is Jackass."

_Freddie glances over at her._

"No, it's not. This is just you daring me to do something stupid."

"Hush! On tonight's episode, Freddie Benson is going to lose his Cinnamon Challenge virginity."

"I already told you, I'm not doing it!"

_Sam ignores him, taking the package of cinnamon and letting the dust fall onto the spoon, hitting the desk below it._

"Sam! You're getting the cinnamon everywhere!"

_Sam hands Freddie the spoon, and he grimaces._

"Do it."

"Do I really have to?"

"Just swallow it. All at once. It's not that hard."

"I've seen people vomiting because of it!"

"Get over yourself, Benson. Just do it!"

_Freddie looks at the cinnamon and bites his lip. Taking a deep breath, he slowly lifts it up to his mouth before stopping._

"Promise it won't kill me?"

"I promise. Now do it."

"Pinky swear?"

_Sam rolls her eyes and entwines her pinky with his._

"You're such a dork. Now do it."

_Freddie stares at the spoon again, and drops his voice to a whisper, as if talking to himself._

"Okay. I'm gonna take it slow. I'm gonna shake it into my mouth instead of just glomping it and making it stick to the spoon, and—"

"Just take it, damn!"

_Freddie stuffs the spoon into his mouth, pulling it out and pausing. His eyes go wide in alarm, his hand pushing the recorder out of sight._

"Oh my God, that is hilarious! Can you breathe? See, it wasn't that bad! Oh, just swallow it, quit trying to spit it out. Are you going to throw up?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Date:** April 9th, 2011 at 3:47 A.M.

**From: **_Make-Fudge-Not-War : Splashface . com_

**To: **_Fredward-Karl-Benson : Splashface . com_

**Subject:** Are you okay?

Hey, man. I'm still at the lock-in. Where did you go?

I'm mostly finished with the project. We just need to test it out some more. I went looking for you guys but all of you left. I can't find Sam, or Carly, and even Spencer left. Only Gibby is here but he's leaving pretty soon. Where did you guys go?

I'm not that familiar with the school but I was pretty sure we weren't allowed to leave the building. I assume that Sam could have picked the lock, but I thought you'd at least stay till dawn.

We still have tomorrow to work on the project, but are you available? Did something come up? If there's any way I can help, just tell me.

Just message me please. I just want to know what's up.

Thanks,

Brad


	9. Chapter 9

_3/22/12_

Dear Old-Fashioned, Non-computerized 2D strip of achromatic surface,

I've been experiencing many improvements in the last few weeks. I know you will be thrilled to know that.

I am starting to see the flaws in the fabric that covers my thigh. The rest of the pants are totally protective, but it seems that I have a chink in my armor.

My protective armor has a chink, which means I am weak. I must return to the future as soon as I can.

While my progress has been productive, I am still plagued by the nightmares. In the dark I see images of stars and dust, coming together in a weird way. It reminds me of my biology class teaching. It reminds me of a controversial topic, something that some Christians don't believe in but many others do. There is a name for this event, a name that I should know, but it seems that I have forgotten.

And no matter what, I still dream of escape. I don't belong here; even if they say I am making progress. I feel as if they are trying to convince me that I'm something I'm not. I know who I am.

It worries me that we're so close to California. Well, we're in Washington, but that's along the same coast. Or at least near. What I'm saying is, when California sinks, I don't want to be near it. My plan to be in Alaska when the event takes place doesn't seem to be working out.

They show the bland TV shows on those tiny screens but they don't entertain me. We have much more entertaining shows in the future. I can't tell anyone else about the future programs because they have no idea what I'm talking about, anyway.

I can't wait until their wedding premieres on those screens. When Sam and Freddie got married, their marriage got more hits than the Royal Wedding. That's a hard task. Everyone wanted to see it; they are celebrities, sort of. What makes them easy to admire is that they did it themselves. They worked for their web-show with blood, sweat, and tears; all three of them went far. They didn't film a sex tape to get famous like Kim Kardashian did. And by the way, she happened to be in California when the "Great Sinking" happened. No one cried for her.

Those stupid kids. They act like they'll never get back together. Don't they realize that I know everything? If they came to me, they'd be surprised.

Bazzinga! (Why did I just write that? Weird.)

Caleb :)


	10. Chapter 10

**GOL OEDIV SEIDDERF**

**TIME:**** 19:46:02**

**DATE: ****1/9/12**

**SUBJECT: ERAC SEOD EHS EBYAM**

_Freddie opens his mouth and stops himself short. He waits for the recorder to fully load before he speaks._

"This is Fredward Benson, signing in. Hello, nonexistent viewers."

_He gives a tiny smile, a smile he couldn't control._

"As you can see, I'm feeling happy today."

_Happiness is taken advantage of. The ones who have it don't care for it. The ones who don't have it need it the most._

"Things are starting to…starting to turn out like I'd hoped."

_This was true. He was so worried that he ruined it, that she ruined it, and he stopped pointing fingers. It no longer mattered whose fault it was because it was the same effect._

"As I mentioned to you before, I didn't know what would happen, post…you know. Was I supposed to be a punching bag again? Was I supposed to pretend it never happened? I don't know, I really don't. Was I supposed to say something or was she? I felt—I feel clueless."

_He smiles again._

"But _she_ came to _me._ Sam has 'hated' me for as long as the Earth has been spinning. Why would she suddenly be kind to me? Because of us dating, that's why. She was actually encouraging me. Being kind to me. Like she cared about me or something. And maybe she does."

_He looks down, as if the recorder was a disapproving gaze._

"Well, maybe if I tell myself that enough times, I'll eventually believe it."

_Wishful thinking._

"But I am starting to wonder if my first theory might come true. It's such a foreign concept, and I feel like I was just hoping for something impossible. But she was treating me so nicely, like a person rather than something she walks on. She encouraged me with my 3D work, and she told me that it was creative. Creativity. Something I'll never have and she has buckets of."

_Another thought was coming together, and his brow furrows._

"Wait, why would she want me to be creative? She's plenty creative and so is if it's my dream, why would she care about the viewer's thoughts of me?"

_Suddenly the thought finishes and a "You Don't Say?" face shines through him like the sun on a cloudy day._

"She wants me to be creative…just like she is…just like we promised that someday we would try to be together, after we got more like each other."

_The thought was so happy that it actually makes him close one of his drawers, the drawers you need a key to access. The drawers that contain things that help him sleep._

"You know what? I don't need any Benadryl or even Melatonin tonight."

_He gives the recorder one last smile before shutting it off._


	11. Chapter 11

4/24/12

**(4:15 P.M.) Gibby: **Did you pick up any more Dr. Gibs?

**(4:21 P.M.) Sam:** Obulously. But yur paiying 4 it

**(4:23 P.M.) Gibby: **Why can't you pay for it once? You usually drink it all, and it's for the customers!

**(4:26 P.M.) Sam:** i drinck it cuz i can, and sckrew the custemers. they herdly ordar it aniways.

**(4:28 P.M.) Gibby: **Hey are you still mad at Freddie?

**(4:32 P.M.) Sam: **why wud i b pised at freddie?

**(4:34 P.M.) Gibby:** Because he's all over Carly again. And I'm mad too.

**(4:40 P.M.) Sam:** im not pised. Freddie can like womevar he wants, evan if they wil nevar like him bakck.

**(4:42 P.M.) Gibby: **It's okay to be angry.

**(4:48 P.M.) Sam:** thts suks cuz i dun' care. Carls won' fall 4 ether of u, so just 4get it

**(A/N: I didn't watch iPear Store but I heard enough spoilers to get the main idea of the episode. I then gave in when I watched the last thirty seconds of the episode out of curiosity, and I heard what Sam said. First, wow, it was a shock to hear Freddie yelling like that. But what did Sam do? I didn't watch the whole thing so I don't know. People haven't told me anything about what she did. If she didn't do anything out of line...then huh, I'm curious. Maybe we'll never know.  
**

**So now us fans alike can make up our own reason ;D)**


	12. Chapter 12

**(A/N: This one's kinda based on the Harper's Island wedding video montage. 'Cept in this one there are no murderers and such. That show was so awesome until the last episode…)**

_The camera focuses on Carly Shay. She squints at the camera, trying to figure out the white light meant it was on or just ready to be engaged._

"Is it on?"

"I don't know what to press."

"Doesn't it say whether it's on or not?"

_Carly looks impatient, her hands fiddling with the lens of the camera, peering into it, before she speaks again._

"Gibby, don't you know anything about camerawork?"

"No! Freddie always did the camera stuff. I have no idea."

"It can't be that hard!"

"Here, I think it's on."

_Gibby focuses on Carly again, letting the view focus before she begins to talk._

"Hey Freddie, Sam. I'm gonna keep this brief because the wedding toast I'm going to give you guys will blow this and everyone else's video right out of the water."

_She gives a sincere smile, toying with her dark strands of hair and focusing on the camera._

"Let me just say that I, and everyone else who's ever seen you two in the same room, have been waiting for this day for far too long. You two are my very best friends—"

"Hey!"

_Gibby interrupts the footage, glaring at Carly._

"Anyway, you two _and Gibby_ and I have been through it all. Until the very end. I'm so glad that we are still friends, and I plan to keep it that way. Congratulations, you two, and brace yourself for my wedding toast—it will be the best one."

_Gibby turns the camera on himself._

"Not as good as mine, I assure you."


	13. Chapter 13

_5/12/12_

_Evaluation of Fredward Benson's Performance in the last two weeks._

Fredward Benson has not been working at the Pear Store for too long. So this is his first evaluation I believe, but hey, I haven't been working here too long either.

I've never really written an evaluation of anyone so I'm just going to do my own thing. I'll start with what he needs to improve on.

He has no problem talking to people, but he talks for the wrong reasons. Logically, a pear store is one of the best things he could ever be a part of. Technology has been a very large factor in his life for years now. He's been the only technical producer of iCarly, and he knows what he's doing. What he can't figure out is that no one cares about how technology works. When someone gets an Pearpad probably the only thing they want to do is play Angry Birds, as opposed to figure out how the system's memory can survive if the battery dies for a very long time.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing that he's working here. He knows more about the technology then most of the workers do. If a customer has an issue with their Pearpad, then he would know what to do. Maybe that would work better for him.

And he's also really cheap. He wouldn't even buy us a double smoothie.

But he does have some good qualities. Just having charisma can help sell things, but what if the tables were turned? What if a customer actually needed help working their product? Half of the workers don't know a thing about that. I can only help to an extent. We do need him around, even if he's a pain. To keep a system running you need to have several key elements working together even if it seems like they wouldn't work.

So even though he sells on average a pair of ear buds a day, we should keep him around. If he sticks with us (and I know he will, some things will never change) and shows not just me that he is more than skilled with technology, maybe he'll help the Pear Company with more than just selling products. Maybe he could design things someday. He knows the ins-and-outs of technology and that's something worth keeping around, even if he whines a lot.

_~Samantha Puckett_


	14. Until Next Time, Guys

** Hey guys.**

** Look, I know I sort of pulled a "Scumbag Steve" meme in the last few months. I promise to update frequently and then lol, it is months later.**

** So I think I'm done writing on here for now. I've lost inspiration for this show, so I'm just going to wait for November to come like everyone else to see what happens to Seddie. Until then, I don't know, I guess I really lost interest in writing this.**

** But I would like to thank all of you. They say that reviews keep you going, and they really, really do. I felt like I got to know some of you. I wish I could thank you guys in some other way. I think I can honestly say this has been my best writing experience. This passes up getting the highest grade on my screenplay in a class, but I don't even think the professor read it. They say most people hate criticism, but that's what moved me along, guys. I look at earlier work I wrote on here and I can't help but ask myself, "Why did you even keep reading in the first place?" But of course, I will probably look at what I'm writing now in six months and say the same thing. But slowly, with your help, I've become better. Who knows? I might find myself on this site again, not writing, just reading. There are so many talented writers on here, with stories they haven't finished yet (cough—iLove You So Now What—cough—Signal Fire—cough).**

** I haven't stopped writing, though. I've been writing my own fiction work nonstop, and I'm still debating on putting it on Fictionpress . com. I've been talking to someone from Loconeal Publishing, which is more serious, but then again I'm still wary about it. If anyone wants to read it (you don't, trust me, it's nothing like what I write on here) then you can PM me or leave a review.**

** Again, thank you for this almost-year on here (just shy of a few months). I may return to celebrate the comeback of Seddie this November, and if Seddie does not pull through, then just assume that I am curled up in my shower crying.**

** Thanks again, love you guys :)**

** ~Oceanmistsupporter**


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